Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I am a Swimmer. Not.

You know those times when the hubs reminds you that you both have gym passes that need to be used more often so you agree to spend your FHE at the gym? Even though you won't even be in the same room because hubs wants to go lift weights while you think you can handle the pool to swim some laps? Because you have been day dreaming about getting all fit and toned in the pool?
*Walking is so good, it gets me out for some sunshine and girl time, but I probably should do more running as, I hate running, it hurts my joints and I don't like getting all sweaty and thirsty under the sun....oh! Swimming will be perfect for me!* (thoughts to self)
So you put your most athletic swimming suit on, even though its just a tankini,
and then happily fail to remember that you should have shaved your legs
 because hubs said "people won't even be able to see them in the water."
So you head to the pool while hubs heads to the weight room, take your boy sweats off, jump in the pool, and watch the lifeguards look at you all perplexed because you failed to shower before getting in the pool? And you notice how the lanes around you are filled with fast paced swimmers wearing goggles and caps while they time themselves on how fast they can swim? Then you take your time just warming up because heck, you didn't know people actually come swimming here too?
So you start warming up by walking, yes walking, in the pool, to the other end. And swimmers and lifeguards are starting to look at you funny because you are so short that it looks like there is a random head bobbing up and down in the water?
And then you decide you can do that fancy breaststroke because
 So you start your breaststroke and you have to close your eyes because, well shoot, ya' didn't bring any goggles, and then you have to come up for air because you don't know how to breathe in between strokes without choking on water and you end up being in someone else's lane while he looks creeped out that you'd pull a stunt like that?
So you spend the rest of your time doing the monkey dance and doggy paddles and lots of walking and stretching in the water and you catch the lifeguards staring and looking away really fast while trying not to laugh at you?
 And the other swimmers are looking at you like, "Get outta the pool, man, you're giving us swimmers a bad name."
And so thirty minutes of walking, doggy paddling, and stretching goes by before you call it good, then you get out of the pool only to find yourself overworked. Out of breathe. Spaghetti limbs. And then you think that must be the biggest embarrassment of the night- to be so worn out after THAT workout.

Not to mention the hubs is laughing the whole drive home because honey,
"you must have been quite the sight back there."


  1. Haha, it's all good. I took a beginners swimmer class at my college because even though I learned to swim when I was younger, I forgot. Well, I ended up having to use the giant float belts because I can't float! I sink like a rock! Even by the end of the semester, I could still only do a few laps without a belt before I'd start sinking because otherwise, I'd sink. My professor kept yelling at me to slow down because "it's not a race" but I wasn't swimming fast to race; I was swimming fast to keep from sinking!

    Apparently, it's a heredity thing because my dad said when he entered the marine corp, his natural float as 3inches under the water so he was allowed to use his arms to keep him afloat.

  2. Lol! I have been a lifeguard for about 5 years and I've seen a few people like that. At least you didn't ask If they had goggles available for use and then act annoyed like it was our fair you didn't have any...or come with all the technical gear and then be way underwhelming...or...well, let's just say I've seen a lot worse than you. And water walking and excerise is VERY legitimate exercise. I teach water exercise classes and when people are unaccustomed to the water it takes ALOT out of you. Even when you are used to it it takes a lot. So no worries. =) You are not alone. =)
    Alesha <3

  3. This is too funny! No worries, though, because you're not the only one who "swims" like that and doesn't shave their legs and then fails for shower. Oops.

  4. I seriously was laughing picturing this. I swim the same way :)

  5. Sounds exactly like something I would do! Hahaha, I love it! The best thing to do is do it again, who cares if everyone is starring weird at you, you could even take a snorkel next time, ha!

  6. I was actually laughing aloud reading this!I love that someone else has awkward moments after you have visions in your head of rocking the gym and being toned just like that =)


Thank you for your kind words!